Real Housewives of Atlanta: Episode 9 Recap – 50 Shades of Shade

Hey y’all! Welcome to The Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode 8 Recap – 50 Shades of Shade. What did you think about the episode? I’ve noticed that a lot of people on Twitter aren’t feeling the series this season.  I’ve seen comments about the show being dry, boring, and a waste of television time. Personally, I’m liking this season so far. I’m anticipating some more Roger Bobb gagglefuk. You know it’s coming!

Okay, let’s get down with the get down!

Cynthia Bailey has allowed her grimy husband, Peter Thomas, to finagle her into yet another one of his business ventures. Just from his past attempts, you already know that Bar One at this new location will be a big fat fail! And Cynthia had the nerve to call the location “the new Bourbon Street”.

Yes, the French Quarter might smell of piss down the side streets, and you might catch a glimpse of a few geriatric bewbs adorned with beads, but don’t you dare compare that busted window with the security bars to Bourbon Street! 

Cynthia needs to be slapped for this. Just because Peter is her husband does not mean that she has to blindly go along with all of his ideas. If either one of them had some sense, they would try to rent a space in a more um….desirable location….

I mean come on y’all. The only reason why the original Bar One closed down was because Peter was dealing with a McShadester that was behind on the mortgage payment. Do you think something like that would have gone down in a more high-class location? Doubt it! But they don’t hear me though.

I feel bad for Claudia Jordan, I really do. She tries so hard to be cool with the other cast members but they all just pay her dust each and every time. Claudia was that chick in grade school that got chosen last when it was time to pick teams for dodge ball. She means well, she seems nice, but she comes off as a try hard. 

So, Claudia visits Kandi Burruss at the Kandi Factory, and Kandi asks Claudia if she would be a guest on Kandi Koated Nights.

If you’ve never watched or listened to an episode of Kandi Koated Nights, you are missing out. I think most of the guests are doped up or drunk at the time of the taping because they literally let it all hang out. They spill their own tea, give demonstrations, and answer all of midget Kandi’s perverted questions. I already knew that if Claudia was agreeing to be on Kandi Koated Nights, it was gonna be on and popppinnnn. Sadly, I was disappointed in her appearance. But, we’ll get to that later.

Apollo Nida is still running rampant around the streets of Atlanta like a diseased dog in heat. To make sure that she and her children are protected (from him?), Phaedra Parks hires contractors to install a security fence around her home.

Awww lawd, look who showed up…the diseased puppy himself, Apollo. Apollo starts asking Phaedra and the contractors about the construction of the gate and they are all looking at him like, “And you are?” Lol. I understand Apollo being concerned with the welfare of his family while he’s locked up in prison, but he needs to understand that Phaedra is not checking for him nor fukking with him at this point in his life. His opinion on any matter concerning Phaedra and the kids will fall on deaf ears. If he was so concerned about the safety of his family, he would not have committed those crimes.

Kenya Moore has a spa day with her Aunt Lori and they are both receiving facials. Although Kenya just made up with Nene Leakes a few days before, she wasted no time implying that Nene has had botox, fillers, a nose job etc. 

Even though she’s taking shots at her new “friend”, Kenya is still thinking that she, Nene, and Porsha Stewart Williams have all squashed their beef. Little does she know that Nene is not about to let Kenya Moore into her life EVER.

Nene is at home with her husband, Gregg Leakes, and she receives a call from her agent.  Nene has been offered three different Broadway gigs in New York. Um, I had no idea that Nene was in demand like that. 

Ugh, you know what, I give up on this heffa and her disrespectful wig and face paint. Why must she violate us every Sunday with this mess?

It’s time for Kandi Coated Nights, and look who’s behind the scenes: Todd Tucker. This is the same guy that swears up and down that he makes his own money, yet he has an office at the Kandi Factory and was calling the shots during the entire taping. You ain’t fooling nobody, Todd. You work for you wife and that’s completely fine. OWN IT!

Kandi has a brand new set, new crew, and new hosts all per Todd’s request.  This little dumpling really came onto the scene and gutted Kandi’s entire life. 

Claudia is ready to spill that Lipton on Kandi Koated Nights and look, she already has some truth serum in her hand. This should be good *rubs palms like Birdman*

NOT!

This was a big fat fail! I know they have to keep it PG for television but damn, they could have given us a little somethin! We all know that Claudia didn’t hook up with no damn Jamie Foxx. Why must they tease us like this? I guess I’ll have to go searching for the link to Claudia’s full interview online. If I find it, I’ll post it for y’all *thank me later*

I’m not here for Peter and his love for wasting his wife’s money. No, sir.

Phaedra is being honored by the National Bars Association. For what? No one knows.

Phaedra brought her mom as her date since her husband’s been acting a monkey fool lately.  Phaedra was worried if the other attorney’s in attendance would side eye her as she received the award, considering her husband is a convicted felon and all. But thankfully for Phaedra, everyone was pretty welcoming.

Kandi hosts a girl’s night at her home.  She had a half naked girl laying on a table and dildos galore. I couldn’t be friends with Kandi. I like my cupcakes on a plate, not on top of a lady’s vag.

I don’t think that Porsha understands that when you get your bewbs done, and you gain 20 pounds in your midsection, you shall NOT rock the same clothes you had in your closet from last year. No, my dear. Please size up before you bust a seam in that ball gown.

Kandi invites a sex therapist to help the ladies open up to each other. Kandi decides that Nene and Kenya need to be bonded together with this weird sex apparatus. Nene squeals like she’s about to be sent to the guillotine.  Kenya is butt hurt because she’s finally realizing that their “make up” was fake and Nene still has issues with her.

They put Claudia next to Nene instead. At the beginning of the party, Claudia confronted Nene about giving her the cold shoulder. Nene say’s she can’t be cool with Claudia because she is friends with Kenya. Um, are we in high school again?

I’m not sure why Nene gets off on treating people like dirt, but she really needs to jump off that high horse. She acts like everyone must bow down to her. Her rude and nasty attitude ruins the entire show.

Anywaytho,

Eventually Nene starts to warm up to Claudia, and look who was in the corner hating life…

Cynthia.

You know at that moment, Cynthia wished she could teleport herself into Claudia’s body just so she could be the one to sit next to Nene. Poor Cyn. Let it go honey, it ain’t worth the stress.

The ladies go around the room and talk about their relationships and how long they’ve been with their significant others. Demetria McKinney says she’s been with ROGER BOBB for eight years. 

Okay, first of all, if I’m talking about my partner, I’m not going to blurt out his government name. Hell, I probably wouldn’t even say his first name. I feel like Demetria had something to prove or she was trying to let all of the ladies in the room know that Roger was officially taken.

Well, that lil’ blue haired Nicki Min-no-no blurts out that she used to date Roger two years ago.  Demettria was so embarrassed that she got up and walked out of the party.

Now, Kool-aid locks is a friend of Kandi’s (Kandi stays with a flock of geese, huh?). There’s no way in hell that Kandi didn’t know that her friend used to date Roger. This whole party smells like a setup to embarrass Demetria. If her man is cheating on her then so what? Let her get cheated on in peace! I’m sure she’s fully aware of how her “man” gets down.

Cynthia chased after Demetria to make sure she was okay. Demetria said she was fine and that she didn’t believe one word that was coming out of Skittle head’s mouth.  Hmmm, I think Demetria should probably confront Roger first. I don’t put nothing past that man. He just seems like a big flirt who’s down to lick and stick anyone.