Love & Hip Hop Hollywood Episode Recap: This Bird Can Swim!

Am I the only one who is obsessed with this damn show? 

Let me start off by saying that this Lil’ Fizz and Nikki “Lego Body”Mudarris’ romance is so fake. You know good and damn well that Nikki is messing with broke Fizz. 

Ugh, just nasty!

And did you see the way Fizz was staring at her bolted on knockers and licking his lips the entire time? Like damn, man! You’ve never been with a woman before or something? He was acting like a fourteen-year-old boy that just got to first base in the back seat of a short yellow school bus. He is so thirsty. Don’t even get me started on the fact that ol’ boy looks like a Shar-Pei

Oh stop it, I know I’m not the only one that noticed those deep wrinkles on his forehead. 

Anywaytho, what bothers me the most about Fizz is that he really wants his baby mama Moniece to be completely out of the picture. On every damn episode, this desperate bum is trying to replace her and find a new mama for his son. Come on, within two minutes he was already asking Nikki what she thought about kids!

Hazle E meets up with her old pal Teairra Mari to see if they can save their friendship. Things seemed to be going good at first, but when Hazel E asked Teairra to stop working with her ex-FWB/midget/woman beater Yung Berg and to not record her track with him, things went from 0-100 real quick!

Why is she acting like she’s gonna get some radio play with that song? The only track that’s gonna see the light of day for Teairra is the one sitting behind that ill-fitted lace closure on her head. 

What’s funny to me is how these women are so delusional about their music careers. Please raise your hand if you have ever heard of Hazel E, Masika, or Teairra before Love & Hip Hop Hollywood aired? Okay, I’ve heard of Teiarra in passing but generally, ain’t nobody checkin for Ray J’s old porta-potty like that. 

So apparently, Moniece did an interview where she accused Lil’ Fizz of beating her azzzzz *K.Michelle voice*.  Moniece didn’t admit to lying, but she didn’t confirm the allegations on the show either. 

Fizz got his lace panties in a knot and immediately proceeded to go off on Moniece. He called her everything but a bummy azz biatch. If the allegations were true, Moniece should have either 1) called the police or, 2) grabbed him by his 3c struggle curls and moped the floor with him. You know, kinda like what she did to Amanda *giggles*

Ray J meets up with Floyd Mayweather’s old punching bag to discuss all the haters that are involved in their relationship. Ray J wants Princess Love to cut off contact with his ex-assistant Morgan because she’s no longer “family”. Princess is confused because Morgan was all up in their house, dog-sitting their pets and now all of a sudden, she’s just supposed to cut her off? I see where Ray J is coming from though. If his business and personal relationship is over with Morgan, then Princess should have no reason to keep in contact with her. It just adds extra messiness and drama to their relationship. But ummm…something tells me that Princess loves her some drama.

Dinner got heated once Ray J told Princess he was done with their relationship. She poured not one but TWO damn glasses of wine on Ray’s face. What a waste of wine. 

Princess keeps coming for Ray and he pushes her azz right into the swimming pool and runs off! Clean up, aisle seven!

Princess goes after Brandy’s brother but she’s subdued by cameramen and bodyguards. You know this can’t be the first time that these two have had an altercation like this. I’m with Brandy and Sonja Norwood on this one though, Princess is no good for Ray J. Now, I’m not saying that Ray J is a damn prize or something, but clearly, he and Princess do not mesh well together.

I know I didn’t touch on the Nia Riley and Soulja Boy situation. I had a picture of Nia when she was pouring out her heart to Morgan and all I could focus on were Morgan’s underarm sweat stains. Sure? UNSURE!

I swear this broad looks like she just ran three miles every time they put the camera on her. Anywaytho, I feel bad for Nia’s loss, but you know every Love & Hip Hop series has to have a miscarriage so I’m not even sure if I believe her story line.